creme de la random

And now, the awards for my student suggested roll call questions.

Questions I wished I’d thought of:

• If you found yourself in jail one day, what would you most likely be there for?
• Go back in time… what phrase/saying would you coin?
• What is the color, type, and significance of your toothbrush?
• If you were a superhero, what would your power and name be?
• What’s your favorite commercial or infomercial?

Questions I’d like to ask but am afraid to:

• What do you hate about Baylor?
• What is your idea of a perfect date?
• Which teacher have you disliked the most and why?

Most likely to be a schizophrenic’s waking dream:

• If a trashcan at Target grumbled at you while standing in line, how would you respond?
• Would you rather be a chair, a backpack, or a ceiling? 
• Do you know the muffin man?

Most likely to be reported to the counseling center:

• If you could kill anyone in the world without consequences, who would it be and why?

Proof that they pay attention sometimes:

• What is something embarrassing that you do subconsciously? (i.e. Ms. Adams’ crack-addicted octopus)

Most disgusting:

• Location of conception?

Best Pop Culture Reference:

• Why so serious?

Most likely to get Ms. Adams fired:

• If you could fondle anyone in this class…would it be John?

 

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best p.s. ever

After the Adderall-free, stream-of-consciousness rant I gave on introductions and conclusions, I receive this day-making e-mail from a student (the body of the email was about an assignment, the P.S. is the relevant bit):

P.S- You really saved me on Tuesday with your comment about not taking your ADD medicine. I started laughing when you said that but then I remembered that I had forgotten to take MY ADHD medicine that morning as well and I had a test later on that day. Luckily I was able to go back to my room to get it. Just wanted to let you know how you inadvertently helped me out.

Ms. Adams: she spazzes out so you don’t have to! 

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teaching wk. 9, pt. 2: the day i told my kids i’d be a stripper

When Dr. Losey offered me a TA position, he assured me my students would love me because I’m “quirky and self-deprecating in a really endearing way.” While that’s not a traditional pedagogical approach, it’s how I’ve survived so far. Unfortunately, at this rate, it will also result in an escorted removal from Baylor’s campus.

Today we did peer reviews. A couple of kids finished really early, so I handed out index cards and asked for three suggestions for roll call questions. Roll call questions are a unanimous favorite in both my classes, and they’ve actually helped me a lot as well. I ask an unusual or telling question at the beginning of class, and as I take attendance, they answer. It’s a practice that has helped me get to know my students, makes them feel at ease, and is a lot of fun in general. Questions have ranged from “What was your favorite TV show as a kid” (I almost lost control of both my classes with that one) to “If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?” The raciest things ever got was “Who is your celebrity crush?”, so they obviously have a precedent for what is and is not appropriate. Too bad they, like I, ignore that.  

If I didn’t love my students before, I certainly would now — and not just because I hope they don’t report me. Yes, there were a lot of boring, half-assed entries (”What’s your favorite color?” , “If you were stranded on a desert island…”, etc), but I was thrilled by some of the other suggestions; those will be their own entry. First, let’s talk about how I told my kids I’d be a stripper. 

One student, who cracks me up for a lot of unintentional reasons (and who I’d already publicly antagonized, albeit lovingly, this class period), turns in a card on which his third question is, ahem, “If you had to be a stripper, a prostitute, or a slave, what would you choose? Why?”

First thing out of my mouth: “[Student's Name], are you trying to get me fired? Why would I ever ask this in class?”

Second thing out of my mouth: “Guys, listen to what [Student's Name] thinks is a good thing to say in class…”

After I read the question — and pointed out it should be “which” not “what” — I wondered again why he would ask that, especially when the answer is so obvious: of course I’d be a stripper. Who would choose to be a prostitute? And even as a prostitute, you’d get paid, unlike a slave. As a stripper you don’t really have to touch people. Another student pointed out that wasn’t true, because sometimes you have to give lap dances. I agreed, but pointed out that’s not the same thing. 

I apologize to parents everywhere. But also, what sort of children did you send me?

Perhaps if this had come during a normal day, it would be one thing, but I had already pointed out that, though I love my ringtone (”Business Time” by Flight of the Conchords), it’s kinda weird when my dad calls.

Also, I had to say at one point, “Kyle, while are you fondling John?” “Fondling” had been an overstatement, since Kyle was just rubbing John’s shoulder and leg to make him uncomfortable and being wildly successful. I had to ask him to molest John on his own time, and not in my class where I responsible for John’s virtue.

And then, I had told a story about running into one of the students in the class at Season’s Creamery. After leaving, Ezra had said, “You did that thing you do.” I responded, “What thing?” He said, “You know, that thing you do where you wave your arms and make that weird ‘baaah’ noise.” Then followed a conversation in which, through fits of paranoia, I went through my many, many recurring gestures that occasion me to wave my arms and go “baaaaah.” I concluded that being a crazy octopus is the cornerstone of my communicative skills. 

Then I told them I would be a stripper. At least I didn’t say prostitute. 

 

 

 

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teaching, wk 9: “it’s a party hat!”

I haven’t written about teaching in a while, but that’s not to say it’s been going badly. In fact, it’s been going pretty great. I’ve found something of a stride in the classroom, I’m not letting them out twenty minutes early (sometimes I don’t even finish, which I thought would never happen), and I’m starting to get some feedback. Most exciting, I’m seeing some of my students make leaps in their writing. 

I did a mid-semester evaluation/questionnaire and got some surprising results. Most surprising is that they want more grammar lessons, which means I need to review more grammar. Luckily, Jonathan Gitlin has a fabulous, grammar-master of a mom who wrote a fabulous, grammar-simplifier of a book. I’m planning to work that into many a lesson from now until the end of the semester. 

I had a few kids tell me I was their favorite teacher and that they enjoyed my class. I also had students tell me, however, that they wanted to be better writers by semester’s end, but they didn’t want to write so much. That aside, I felt pretty good about myself. Which is why days like today are inevitable. 

Today I covered introductions and conclusions: what they should do and some good ways to make them do it. At one point, I had four different abstract shapes on the board, each explaining an introduction. Sure they were. And my analogy of intro = birth announcement/conclusion = eulogy was unanimously declared (okay, by one student — but she was loud) lame. Which is was. But guess what? Lessons on intros and conclusions are lame. I was keeping tone. The highlight of my lecture came in the first class when, while describing the specific-to-general pyramid, I realized I’d made a party hat. Like this:

Then I exclaimed, “Party hat!” That was quickly followed by my fourth apology/explanation that I didn’t take my adderall this morning. I took it before my second class. It didn’t go much better, though they were spared my explanation of the unhealthy relationship between the independent and dependent clauses on either side of a colon (”I need you, baby! I can’t exist without you! I have no meaning when you’re gone!” self-satisfied chuckle). 

Really, making a fool of myself doesn’t bother me like it used to. Getting to know my students makes the whole thing worthwhile. I did student conferences all last week, and while it was exhausting, I kept thinking how much I like my students. They’re actual people. And they’re precious. 

My day had two shining highlights. First, during my “lecture,” I accidentally made up a new word: “relephant.” It’s an elephant that matters. Second, in response to the roll call question asking for their irrational fears and phobias, one girl said butterflies. She is terrified of butterflies. I still don’t know how that happens. 

 

 

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laughing. crying. same thing.

Thank you, Wondermark. Thank you.

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depends on your definition of “sense”

Excerpt from a (very bright, I might add) student’s essay:

Society today has become one of the grandest places where many contrasting ideas arise concerning certain subject matters.

More than anything, I’m impressed. How do you use that many words and avoid saying a single thing? This kid has promise: he could be a political speech writer, a critical theorist, or an English teacher. My job here is done.

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